My home computer locked me out a few days ago. Not only was this completely uncalled for, it will most likely require me to call a computer guy. Naturally, this has thrown me into paroxysms of terror.
Computer guys are frightening. Invite one in to fix your hard drive and he could read your diary while he’s in there. He’ll come across that picture you completely forgot was even on your computer. You can’t predict when your computer will leave you in this vulnerable state, either. It’s a 2 a.m. house fire and suddenly you’re outside in your underpants before the entire fire department.
Computer guys know how much power they have, don’t let their good-natured geeky ways fool you. They were teased in high school, passed over by girls in favor of jocks who are now beer-bellied factory workers and need those computer guys when their PCs crash. You think they don't remember every slight they endured? Think again, my friend. They’ve just been biding their time.
Someday a computer guy will blackmail me into doing his bidding – I am convinced of this certainty. Sure, it might start out like a sitcom, where every time I balk at fetching and carrying he dangles his knowledge of my computer’s permanent record over my head. But it will escalate, and before you know it I’ll be at the top of a parking garage with a sniper rifle.
You understand, then, why I’ve been putting off this phone call. I know I can’t pull off any crime a computer guy might require of me without getting caught. I can’t even remember where I’ve put my keys most of the time. Caught unprepared, it is now just a matter of time before I am at a computer guy’s mercy.
I hope that he will prove benevolent. Or that I’ll find a good lawyer.
